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...Searching...
wow. its been a long while. i have yet to write anything on this site in what has become a massive eternity. i'd say its been at least 9 months, but even then, i think i am wrong. the fact is, i have been busy.
so, in all essences, not much has changed since the last time i rewrote the BSD guideline. i am still searching for what exactly it is in life i want to do with my life. essentially, after three years, one would think i would have found it by now. honestly, so did i. i suppose i didn't. but oh well, not much i can do about that now. i'm sure in the several offical chances i have had to better myself, and find that one thing i am more then passionate about, i have failed. i have misled myself to think that a career in music, technology, and or humanity is possible for a guy like me.
lets not get to far ahead of ourselves. in the last 18 months have have found many things about me that i do like, that i do enjoy, and i have even found the one person i am going to spend the rest of my life with. her and i just past the one year point in our relationship, and although its had its moments where it coulda fizzled and died, we've both taken a step back and realized that we are too important to each other to give it up and throw it away. for the first time in my selfish existence, i can safely say i have fallen in love. and i mean i know i've said i love you to people before (mainly in an attempt to get into some girls pants...and i do apologize to anyone i have hurt in doing so..), but this time i honestly know what unconditional love is. its knowing when to admit when i am wrong, knowing when to say sorry, and knowing when to say "yes dear" when you don't want to do something that is totally important to the other person. being selfish was fun, for the 23 years it lasted me. and i honestly did love it, but being with kelsey has made me realize that being selfless has far more greater rewards.
i would also like to extend an apology to anyone of any religious conviction i may have offended over the last....well...yeah. i'm sorry. though i may not understand your inane ways and contradictory thoughts on life, it is of your belief to believe what you do believe. in my quest to be less selfish, i must honestly say that i am learning to be less judgemental about others opinions. though, to me that is hard to do, and hard to make sence of, i am making an effort.
so whats left? i honestly have no clue. i'm in for the long haul. i mean lets face it, life altering events don't just happen. mind you i should probably stop sitting on my ass and waiting for the right opprotunity to drop in my lap...and in some regards i'm not. i am stuck working for "the man" (i have turned into a corporate drone...and it sucks), i don't have to wear a noose...errrr tie around my neck. most nights i do feel like hanging myself. i am essentially underpaid, and when the right offer comes along i will take it. i am going back to school in september. i say this every year, but this time i mean it. i cannot just sit on my duff and get fat. i'm not turning into my father...or my sister...or any other non successful member of my family. i realize education is the way to advance in life. i have thought long and hard, but i think i have some idea of what it is i will do. i'm thinking either network adminstration for off shore oil rigs, or environmental law. one of the two. and once i decide over the next couple months, i will enroll at one of the finer post secondary institutes this province has. lets not get ahead of ourselves, i will still be a corporate drone. i mean its not like rent will pay its damn self (trust, me i tried that once....didn't work out too well)
i am still out to change the world. but, rather then the whole world, i think i will concentrate on part of it for now.