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The SwanK
Cafe Del Mar
"...dont you pretend, its my feeling we'll win in the end, i wont harm you or touch your defences, vanity, insecurity,..."
the coincidence of it all is killing me. i met a girl. shes great, shes everything i want and then some. i just hope that when i land, it doesnt hurt. the funny thing is, i ran into both of "her" again....
the coincidences between my girlfriend and the first "her" are quite comparable. they both are amazing, they're both the hottest girls i ever dated, they are both me in the female body, and well they both live within two minutes of each other. this however doesnt bother me. no, in fact i think its coincidence and all that stuff thats good and pure...
so now for the second "her" verses my girlfriend. they both have the same personality, both of them have made me fall fast, both are the two best things that have ever happened to me. this doesnt bug me at all. i think its great. but oh i forgot, i think they mite actually get along. why do i say this? well, the third instalment of "The SwanK" was all about the second "her"'s best friend. both best friend and "her" i ran into at the bar whilst with my girlfriend and her best friend. now lets get this straight. i know for a fact that if i woulda done what i said i shoulda done in the last SwanK, i wouldnt have met my girlfriend...
now dear people, i am actually happyi didnt do something for once. i'm glad i didnt call my ex and talk to her. why? well my ex was single at the time i ran into my ex's best friend at the bar, as was i. if i woulda called her, i wouldnt've been single long had i've called her. and how do i know this? well lets leave it at this: when we were dating, i treated her like a princess (hell i still do), i was also the first one to give her one of those...well you know...yea. she has always expressed great intrest in wanting to redate me if i was ever single at the same time she was. and well we both know that either one of us wouldnt let the other one go without a stronger fight. now, the reason i'm happy i didnt call is because i met my girlfriend as i was debating calling my ex. i suppose its fate, and i dont wanna jinx it by saying what i really think about our relationship and how i think i'm starting to feel. why? well i think that would be a definatly be confusing to both her and me at this point. there is one thing she should know, but i am holding off on telling her. i know this sounds odd, it is something everyone around me knows, and it is normally something i mention BEFORE i get serious with someone. its not that i dont trust my gf, its just that i dunno if i'm ready to posibly blow things to oblivion with her. i mean shes awesome, and i dont think that shes going to over react and what not, its just that i dont know how she'll take it...
in the end i know what i'm hiding is something that is touchy. i mean with the Billy Idol lyrics above, i didnt post for anyone else's defences. instead i did it for my own. i am insecure about what i'm hiding from her, most people would be. i know i'm only hurting myself, and i know that i should probably tell her and get it over with. i guess the reason i havent told her is because i'm actually happy. the depression that what i'm hiding is finally gone. i have now found the one person who is my first (and i'm only hoping my last) adult relationship...