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The SwanK
Ambient Chillout: Adventures in Sight and Sound
"...theres a feeling I get when i look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving, in my thoughts I have seen, rings of smoke through the trees, and the voices of those who stand looking... "
the vicious circle repeates itself, over and over again...
so another year passes. this one i must admit was almost as bad as the other. my three year long mindnumbing physically exhausting "depression" finally decided it had had enough of me and went the way of Val Litle in my life. Now i admit, things could not have been better from December 31st to about May 26th. In that time i landed on my feet in some sorta non chemically enduced high (although yes there were many of them in that period of time). after that it went straight to hell in a hand basket. all i have to say about it is have you ever wished that yuo wouldnt have made a certain choice that you thought was good but after a while you realised that it was the dumbset thing you ever did and had to live with it? well i did. i call those two morons roommates from May 01 to Ocotober 30th. i dont undersand why or how two people that love each other sooo much can constantly be at such extreme odds.
now i'm not going to get into hem tow. no thats not my place, i never got involved with there bullshit. however my vicious circle has come almost full swing in one year. see, last year at this time the girl i was "with" was a hot aubrun haired girl from Mission, Bud Cannabis. now, the girl i'm "with" is a hot aubrun haired girl from Mission, Bud Cannabis. now you're thinking that its the same girl? HELL NO. girl i'm "with" (i use the term "with" and quotations because neither of the two relationships were/are clearly defined...). the two could not be anymore different. their commonalities end with the fact that they are both from Mission. The first one was sorta stiffling, she hung off my arm like a trophy and yea she was DAMN goooooood in bed. she didnt allow for my creative outlets to run amok like i tend to allow them. i didnt feel i could be myself around her. however Mission girl #2 (she does have a name, i choose not to display it) is a wonderful person with a very beautiful soul. there isnt a word i can think of to decribe how wonderful she is.
i promised myself that i wouldnt get "emmotionally attached", and i'm doing a piss poor job of it. i know this relationship is somewhat "doomed" on a intimate level. why? i dont know its just a hunch i have.