From Heaven to Hell without a stop in purgatory

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I started a joke, which started the whole world crying,
but I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing,
oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that I'd said.

Til I finally died, which started the whole world living,
oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me

I died a while back. and in all honesty, we could leave it that way, but what would be the fun in that? I've had fun in my lack of existence, in fact I have even left the paradise that is the province of British Columbia, Canada and live in the coldest depths of hell.

the last few months have taken a bit out of me. I have had to seriously adjust to life in the poor house. not something I ever wanted to experience in my adult life, nor something I ever wish to remember. all I will say is that there was a lot of love where I was, but not a lot of everything else.

it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I guess I have come to realize this over the last while. I lost three major pieces of my identity since august, and as much as I want to be able to have them back, I cannot. it was a hard realization that came and created a tear filled September evening that had me do something that probably made me more of a "man" and less of a child. I also did something else that night that in the not to distant past I could not have seen myself EVER doing, in a large sense I am rather proud of myself for it, as I am sure, was the other person involved.

"mine eyes have seen the coming of the lord, He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored, He has loosed the fateful lightening of His terrible swift sword, His truth is marching on" - Julia Ward Howe

perhaps its a thing in life I do not understand, but it was not the tragic events of early august that made me see the light. in fact, rather, it was something(one) else. the cards were dealt to me in a good way, and like almost every other hand in the proverbial game of blackjack my life has become, I gambled on low and lost big. I managed to find something in this world so incapable of allowing everything to sink in and get swept away with a feeling that it was tragic and sad to know it. I, like everything else, wanted to change it. I wanted to make it feel, make it believe, set it free...but of course, some ridiculous force came and kicked that right between the thighs.

now, we snap back to reality, like in some sort of prodigal son type thing, I have returned from my 13 month hiatus to reclaim what is mine. what that is exactly, I am not to sure, but I am back to reclaim it.

I understand that I said at one time I was going to hand control over to someone else, but again, I was listening to an old tune on my U2 Special Edition 20GB iPod. Something that came from an aptly named, recently re-released album (that sounds more like how i like my women...) Let It Be. probably considered by some as a theme album for me (songs like Let It Be, Don't Let Me Down, and Get Back have all been somewhat inspirational to me throughout the last 5 years). So i decided to give the ol'SwanK a new edition.